Ask My Sister (#12)

Dear Roz,

Lots of my friends have parents who are divorced, which is awful, but I seem to have the opposite problem. My parents act like they’re in a perpetual state of puppy love and they have no concept of modesty when it comes to PDAs. They’ll kiss at the grocery store or nuzzle each other at the movies. My dad even groped my mom right at the dinner table. Can you believe that? Needless to say, I lost my appetite. Frankly, I’m surprised I didn’t yak all over the table. Now I’m not saying that parental PDAs are nearly as bad as your parents getting divorced, but it’s totally embarrassing nonetheless. And gross. So how should I deal with it?

Puking from Parental PDAs

Dear Puking,

Sure parental-PDAs are nowhere near a divorce-level catastrophe, but I don’t discriminate against little problems. Besides, almost losing your dinner all over the table constitutes a semi-emergency.

You could take a picture while they’re kissing. And threaten to post it on your blog. Sadly, they might actually like that.

Have you considered a spray bottle full of water? I’ve used one to train my cat not to jump up on the kitchen counter while I cook.

A shock collar might be a little extreme, though.

And there’s always talking. “Hey mom, hey dad. I understand you love each other, and I’m grateful for that, but could you please do that in your room? And close the door behind you.”

Unfortunately, we can’t choose our parents. Shakespeare said, Being born is like being kidnapped. And then sold into slavery.

I hope you turn eighteen soon!


Letter courtesy of Kristin Walker, author of the hilarious and heartfelt YA novel, A MATCH MADE IN HIGH SCHOOL. I love, love, love this book!

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