Dear Roz,
My ex-BFF stole my boyfriend from me. Now she’s going to the prom with him. Is it wrong to try to give her mono by drinking out of her soda can during lunch?
More Than Tempted
Dear More Than Tempted,
You can give someone mono just like that? Wow. I’m so jealous. Did someone invent Mono brand lipgloss? Or are you a carrier?
Either way, your plan is perfectly diabolical. Which is why I love it! I think you should do it. But please don’t share this letter with Eva because it might give her ideas. I’m the one usually stealing her boyfriends, you know. Even though I try to wait until they’re exes.
If you’re worried about the moral implications… I checked with the Centers for Disease Control. No one has ever died from mono.
And all’s fair in love and war, especially when it comes to boyfriends! Or girlfriends!
Roz
Letter courtesy of Dena
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Lauren Bjorkman 