Monthly Archives: September 2009

ASK MY SISTER (#5)

Dear Roz,

My ex-BFF stole my boyfriend from me. Now she’s going to the prom with him. Is it wrong to try to give her mono by drinking out of her soda can during lunch?

More Than Tempted

Dear More Than Tempted,

You can give someone mono just like that? Wow. I’m so jealous. Did someone invent Mono brand lipgloss? Or are you a carrier?

Either way, your plan is perfectly diabolical. Which is why I love it! I think you should do it. But please don’t share this letter with Eva because it might give her ideas. I’m the one usually stealing her boyfriends, you know. Even though I try to wait until they’re exes.

If you’re worried about the moral implications… I checked with the Centers for Disease Control. No one has ever died from mono.

And all’s fair in love and war, especially when it comes to boyfriends! Or girlfriends!

Roz

Letter courtesy of Dena

* send ASK MY SISTER letters to lauren@laurenbjorkman.com

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The BEST Contest–Win Sister Necklaces!!

Tomorrow is my official book launch day. To celebrate, I’m launching the best contest yet! Besides the usual (a copy of My Invented Life) you can win a sweet pair of matching sister necklaces.

What is a sister necklace, you ask?

My sister Jolene and I go shopping together for our birthdays. We live in different states, so this happens once a year. This year, Jolene suggested sister necklaces. We found a beautiful pair of earrings we both loved, snipped off the ear-wire, and made them into matching necklaces.

Of course, if you don’t have a sister, you can give one to a friend that’s like your sister!

I know how to make jewelry, so I’m creating these myself based on the design of the original Sister Necklace. I’ve already bought the crystals, sterling silver findings, and sterling silver chains. They’re going to be gorgeous. I will post photos soon!!

To enter, submit an ASK MY SISTER letter to lauren@laurenbjorkman.com.* OR submit an ASK MY SISTER letter in comments below. Many of the letters so far (see previous blog posts) are long. Yours can be much shorter.

e.g. My BFF started hanging out with a girl that’s the pimple on the butt of my life. What should I do?

It’s that easy!!!! Your question can be real or made up. Funny or sad. If you submit two letters, it will count as two entries. You can submit as many entries as you like.

The contest is open to entries until midnight on October 20th.

Categories: Contests | Tags: , , | 22 Comments

Ask My Sister (#4)

Dear Roz,

You’ve got to help me. My parents are making me miss my friend Fiona’s minicamp to go on a boring family vacation in Mexico. They just don’t understand all the things I’m going to miss: makeovers, swimming, tons of junk food, rating cute guys. And inside jokes–so many inside jokes. Eighth grade will be totally ruined for me if I get kicked out of Fiona’s Five. I came up with a list of 34 reasons NOT to go, but that didn’t work (it just made my mom cry).

I need some serious help here–I’m either going to die of heat stroke in Mexico or be a total outcast when I get home. Please answer soon!

Kat (nothing like those vicious jaguars that live in Mexico)

Dear Kat,

What a disaster! Have you thought of a sneakier strategy than a list? Shakespeare said, “Look the innocent flower, but be the serpent under’t. Translation. A devious mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Here are some ideas:

3. Write a fake newspaper article about how the civil unrest in Chiapas has spread to the Yucatan. Email it to your mom.

2. Develop a rare illness. I recommend tiredness, slight fever (which can be faked in so many ways), and a sore throat that won’t go away. These symptoms cannot be disproved by a doctor (unlike lesions drawn on with a marker.) Of course, as soon as the plane tickets have been canceled, you heel miraculously.

1. Plant love letters around the house from your (fake) boyfriend in the Yucatan. Make the letters a little stalkerish and scary.

On the other hand, maybe you’ll meet the boy of your dreams in Mexico. And, to be honest, the Fiona 5 sounds a bit scary. Fiona must be just a bit megalomaniac to name the group after herself. Besides, you might want to get along with your mom, so that she trusts you by high school where the real fun begins.

Roz

Letter courtesey of Sydney Salter, author of Jungle Crossing http://sydneysalter.com

*email letters to Roz or Eva at lauren@laurenbjorkman.com

Categories: Ask My Sister, Author Interviews | 1 Comment

My Invented Life Giveaway!

Who: Anyone anywhere in the world.

What: A hardcover copy of My Invented Life signed by the author (me)

When: September 23rd through October 15th

Where: Leave a comment at the awesome blog The Book Butterfly.

http://butterflybookreviews.blogspot.com/2009/09/guest-post-with-lauren-bjorkman-contest.html

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Ask My Sister (#3)

Dear Eva,

I have a problem …a BIG Problem. I think I want to date my sister’s boyfriend and I know he’s totally into me. Sometimes he IM’s me and we talk for hours. I know I’m way more interesting to talk to than my sister because people tell me so.

I told my sister and she said she’s totally fine with it, but I think she’s really not. Last night she drew on my face with a sharpie while I was sleeping. And this morning I found my toothbrush in the toilet. What should I do? And how can I get this marker off my face?

Mom says I can’t stay home from school one more day, but I can’t show my face the way it is. She drew a curly moustache on my lip and it looks awful. I’m thinking maybe I could be home schooled until it fades away but then I won’t get to see my sister’s boyfriend and what if he forgets all about me?

Dear Too-much-like-my-sister-Girl,

Give me your address, and tomorrow you’ll have a beard to match the moustache. Really, is it possible for anyone to be that dense? (Don’t answer that. It’s rhetorical. Besides my sister has exceeded all records for human density. She’s in the Guinness Book.)

Still, wake up and smell the toilet water. (And throw away that toothbrush.) There’s not the minutest chance that your sister is “fine” with it. Boyfriends (as a category) fall into the no touch zone. Even texting crosses the line. Unless he’s some kind of decoy boyfriend, which is a thing that only happens in crazy circumstances (like my life).

Go fondle someone else’s boyfriend and leave your sister’s alone. Boys come and go like seasons, but your sisterhood is a life sentence. Just kidding (sort of).

And he’s a total plume-plucked flirt-gill, btw, for leading you on. He’s not worthy of the air he breathes.

Cupid kills some with arrows, some with traps.(Shakespeare) This is definitely a trap, so don’t fall in.

Eva

p.s. Try baby oil on that moustache. If that doesn’t take off the ink, rubbing alcohol or nail polish remover can work. Try a small patch first to see if it irritates your skin. (Can you tell I’ve done this before?) Oh, and toothpaste. As long as it wasn’t fished out of the toilet.

This letter is courtesy of Kim the Book Butterfly. Check out her blog at  http://butterflybookreviews.blogspot.com

*email letters to Roz or Eva at lauren@laurenbjorkman.com

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Ask My Sister (#2)

Dear Eva,

I am locked up here in my bedroom because I only have a few days left to finish this ginormous leaf collection project. It’s REQUIRED for 7th grade science, and if I don’t pass it, I can’t run at cross country sectionals and Bianca gets to go instead. (I know you don’t know Bianca, but trust me, she does not belong there and is a pretty awful human being, too.)

The thing is…I sort of left this to the last minute, and things keep going wrong, and my Nonna’s acting all weird and confused on top of everything else. Any tips for how I can get it done? Or do you maybe have one from when YOU were in 7th grade that I could borrow or something?

Desperately yours,

Gianna Z

P.S. There’s also this guy…are you good with advice about guys? I’m not even sure I like him yet. I mean, LIKE him, like him, know what I mean? But I’m wondering how I should act around him since we’ve been friends forever and now I kind of like him. Well, I don’t really LIKE him like that, but I might sort of like him. Oh nevermind…here comes my mom. I have to pretend I’m identifying leaves.

Dear Gianna,

Are you sure you didn’t mean to write Roz? She seems more like your type—scattered, disorganized, and ….a little boy crazy.

Scratch that. You sound adorable in a scattered, disorganized, not very boy crazy kind of way. What you need is a big sister to help straighten things out.

First of all never think about boys when you’re trying to identify leaves because you might incorrectly identify one as a Bryanus cutetushicus because your mind is on him and not on your work.

Do some stretches and crunches to help focus. Then set an alarm for a full hour from now. No daydreaming until it goes off. Make yourself some tea (more leaves) and get to work.

If that doesn’t work, give me your phone number, and I’ll call you every fifteen minutes to make sure you stay on track. Don’t give that awful Bianca (I know who she is) a chance for your spot on the team.

The boy problem is so much harder. If he likes you back, he’ll start acting funny, too. Then you’ll know, at least. Shakespeare said, “The course of true love never did run smoothe.”

Best of luck!

Eva

P.S. I’m so sorry to hear about your grandma.

*Please email letters for Ask My Sister to lauren@laurenbjorkman.com

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My author copies are here!

authorcopies

My books are here! And they are more lovely in person than I’d expected. I’m going to sign them and send them off to everyone I thanked in my acknowledgements. Yay!

Categories: My Invented Life | Tags: | 2 Comments

Win a copy of My Invented Life

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I’m giving away two copies of My Invented          Life  at GoodReads!

Click here to enter. May the luckiest reader          win 😀

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yummy book review-topia

Lauren’s Crammed Shelf gave My Invented Life a charming review.

You can check it out here.

I like how Lauren gets my sense of humor and quirky characters. The A+ doesn’t hurt either.

*blushes modestly, then asks if  the letter grade comes with a gold star*

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Ask My Sister (#1)

Dear Eva,
There’s this girl, Valerie, at my school. We’ve always been enemies, but… well, something really awful happened at our school… and she sort of saved my life that day.

The problem is, I never liked Valerie before. We never got along. And now I kind of owe her. Plus, I have a feeling she’s not as bad as everyone thinks she is. I’ve changed a lot since that day, and I think maybe she has, too.

Everyone pretty much hates Valerie now, and she knows it. She hangs around like a ghost at school, all by herself, never talking to anyone. I can tell she’s really lonely and sad.

I think maybe we could be friends, if she’d just let me in. I’m trying to get through to her, but I’m having a really hard time getting her to trust me. How do I get her to see that I’m not out to hurt her? Should I just leave her alone?

Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Trust is a hard thing to give. I know because I totally didn’t trust my sister, Roz, until recently. She didn’t deserve it. She chased after every boy I ever broke up with. Plus she had/has a serious blabbing problem.

It sounds like Valerie could use a friend right now. Sometimes the best way to earn someone’s trust is to show that you’ve changed. That’s what Roz did. Actions speak louder than a whole bunch of hot air, if you know what I mean :D.

There are risks of reaching out to her, of course. Fwooosh! Yes, that’s the sound of your rep going down the toilet. But you said you owed her. The course of true friendship never did run smooth. *
Best of luck!

Eva
*Apologies to Shakespeare (who is dead, but you never know)

Note: This letter comes courtesy of Jennifer Brown, author of the amazing and intense debut novel HATE LIST. For more about Jennifer and her novel, visit her website at http://www.jenniferbrownya.com.

If you have any other advice for Jessica, please leave a comment.

* please email Ask My Sister letters to lauren@laurenbjorkman.com

Categories: Ask My Sister, Author Interviews | Leave a comment

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